I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
