Only a mothe r could love this liver
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
bring money and cleavage
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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