she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Less talking, more tequila
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
