Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
