2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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