Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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