wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
