Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am mentally ready for anal.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
