i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
