I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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