pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
