dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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