I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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