As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
