She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
