walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
