dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
should my penis look like a turkey
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
