u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
