A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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