i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
