Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
