Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Who wears a wallet chain?!
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
