So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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