morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I will be naked everywhere
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
