how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
