God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
