Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
