He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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