so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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