Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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