I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Randomize
