look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
