His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
True strength comes from lack of pants
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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