If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
