the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
