Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
