I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
