Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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