i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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