U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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