I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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