i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i think i have two assholes
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
