Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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