So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He called his prostate his "boner button".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
