Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
