Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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