he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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