Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
