Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
