The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just googled if crying burns calories
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
