I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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