ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
