Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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