I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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