dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
third nipple confirmed
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
