Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I skipped work to stalk him.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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