I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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