I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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