Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
