Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize