Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
