he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
