My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
