I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
