If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
