you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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