i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
