He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
