whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
