party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize