You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
