There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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