Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
