I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
