once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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